207 : Speak Your Truth

As I posted 2 days ago (see post #205) I recently had learned some interesting information regarding my Ex.  1.  He now had a girlfriend.  AND  2.  They were living together. This had not been communicated to me in advance, but rather was mentioned by my 3 year old son.  Not cool.  I took a couple days and 1 therapy appointment to process how I felt about this.  Additionally, I did a google search and learned with very little effort that said girlfriend was also a former colleague of my now Ex husband.  Well there you go.  I'm sure everyone will draw their own conclusions on this one and that is fair.  I still wasn't sure what I believed here but most importantly, I don't think it mattered any more.  Yes, I had questions about this girl - especially in learning she was a former colleague.  But I had moved so far forward, I wouldn't allow myself to go there.   Instead, I spent my time crafting my conversation with my Ex.  It was scheduled to be an in person conversation, but he wasn't feeling well, we ended up talking over the phone.  I told him I knew he was living with this girl.  I told him I knew that she had worked with him previously.  I told him this obviously raised A LOT of questions for me.  And then I told him I was not going to ask any of those questions, because it no longer mattered.  All I cared about was how this was related to our kids.  I felt disrespected as the mother of his kids that he would share a home with someone, and bring our kids into that home and not feel like this was something he needed to share with me.  I did not need to know when they met,  how long they had been together.  I didn't even care to meet her.  I did, however, want to know who would be entering my kids lives on a more regular basis and I felt like when they became roommates, that was what crossed the line.  My feelings were not immediately understood and there was a lot more explaining on the other end than what I had asked for or needed.  I reminded him of this.  You don't have to explain that to me. I only care about what you do as it relates to my children.  I made it clear to not use the word "hurt" or "angry" in describing myself, because he didn't deserve that much.  I only felt disrespected.  After much, MUCH conversation he apologized for making me feel as such and agreed to be forthright with things moving forward.  After we got off the phone, I received the longest (and strangest) text from him.  He thanked me for our conversation, but then went on to tell me how he did not want me talking to his family about this because even though they knew what was going on, they didn't know I knew.  Uh, ok.  And then he said that he wouldn't be telling the new girlfriend that I knew what was going on because she was already worried about he and I finding our balance as parents.  Okay, this actually made me laugh.  I responded that I felt honesty was the best way to communicate but that was up to him.  I didn't have to worry about him anymore.  It was someone else's problem.  I was oh so very free!!!!!!!