197 : Just the 3 of Us

I often had people comment to me on how they couldn't believe I was doing this alone.  And by this, I mean raising two little boys all by myself.  How in the world was I doing this?  I often wondered that myself.  It's funny how when you have no choice in the matter, you suddenly seem to find your strength.  I was doing it.  I'm not sure how, but somehow I was doing it.  It doesn't mean it wasn't hard.  Take today for instance.  My boys woke up around 7am.  Since the night before had been a little rocky for all of us sleep wise, I woke up a little more groggy than normal.  My oldest was demanding his show and milk.  And when I didn't respond quick enough (I hadn't even started my coffee yet) he helped himself to the TV and repeatedly asked for milk.  I couldn't even address this before I had my first sip of coffee.   And before I could begin that, my youngest started making his presence known from the bedroom.  He had become increasingly more vocal as of late, so if I was not prompt in getting him, he would get louder.  And louder.  I retrieved him after about a minute and made my way back to the main room.  COFFEE!  I got the show on, milk distributed, breakfast started, coffee brewing and made a plan in my head of how we would tackle the morning.  We would start off with Little Beans (a play cafe in the neighborhood- one of the few that was open on Sundays) and go from there.  I barely finished one cup of coffee and started getting the boys ready to go.  It would take us at least an hour to all three get dressed, use the bathroom, change the diaper, use the bathroom again, pack the bag, you get it.  So the race began.  I wanted to get there right as the place opened at 9 in order to miss the crowds.  We successfully did so and my boys were off and playing before I had even completed paying our admission.  For a good 30 minutes they ran and I just sat, watched and felt thankful that I could relax for a few minutes.  And then as more families began to arrive, I had to be on my feet, watching, assisting, mediating.  After an hour, my oldest insisted he was ready for chocolate milk and I told him if we left to go get that then we were done.  He claimed to understand.  The 3 of us went out to the cafe where I purchased the milks (and begrudgingly 2 apple sauce packs since my youngest opened one from the cooler.)  Then it was another stop to the bathroom for all 3 of us before we left.  I had to go myself, and prevent my youngest from dipping his hands in the other toilets and give my 3 year old 'privacy'.  Hands were washed, I was sweating.  We returned to the cafe entrance where a minor battle took place to get coats and shoes on the both of them and then we made our departure.  Shit.  It was only 11.  I decided to attempt to go grocery shopping next.  It had been a while since I had taken them both (there was an incident back in September) but we were in need of food and killing some time.  I secured the race car shopping cart and got the boys settled in.  Now here is where the real race began.  I knew I only had about 15 minutes before my youngest would start to scream wanting to be free.  I hit every sample station in the store, opened another pack of apple sauces and promised a cookie for good behavior to my oldest.  (The promise was really a threat that I held over his head for the duration of our shopping).  Like clockwork my youngest started screaming and wanted out within the 15 minute window as predicted, so I held him while attempting to guide the cart, keep my 3 year old sitting down (OR NO COOKIE!) and make my way down the aisles.  Eventually we paid, got the groceries in the car and the boys locked in their carseats.  Home we went with music blaring like a rave because I felt like an olympian having made it to 12 noon already!  I carried all 12 bags of groceries up in one swoop while my boys remained locked safely in the car.  Then I ran back down to get them and the 3 of us headed in.  Go to the bathroom.  Wash hands!  I changed my youngest's diaper and slapped lunch together for all 3 of us.  It was 12:50 before I knew it and my youngest was ready for his nap.  I got my oldest settled on the couch with a show and somehow the two of us both passed out into a deep slumber.  Family nap!  How was I doing this?  I didn't know.  I had been left with these two amazing, little people full of life and full of energy.  I had no idea how I got through the day each day.  But somehow I continued to wake up the next day and make my way through it.  It wasn't always easy.  It wasn't always fun.  But I was doing it.  We were doing it.