195 : I actually feel sorry for him

I know it's wrong.  And this message is so different than some of the other posts I have published.  But it was true.  At times, I couldn't help myself.  I actually felt sorry for my Ex.  He had done all of this.  Every part of it.  He was unhappy.  He removed himself.  He filed for divorce.  He chose to walk away from us.  Yet when I saw him, I recognized one thing in him more clearly than ever.  He was lost.  And to see someone I once loved looking that way, I couldn't help but to feel sorry for him.  I know, this blog is about ME dammit, not him.  This is about ME getting on with my life and going forward and healing myself and starting over.  Things I had to do all because of HIM.  Tonight though, he came to pick up the boys.  My friend Nikki was in town with her family and our kids were running around when he walked in.  It looked hectic in the apartment, I'm sure, but it was fun.  The kids were laughing, having a blast and I knew he must've felt uncomfortable seeing my friend (as he should!)  He gathered the boys up, but not without some resistance from my older son who always preferred his mom.  And then they left.  The 3 of them.  The boys would come back tomorrow and we would go on to enjoy another party with all of our friends and their kids.  And my Ex would miss it.  Not that he cared, he probably didn't.  Somehow, though, I just found myself feeling sorry for him.  I think this meant perhaps I was truly getting to a place of peace that I could even have that compassion?  I'm not sure.  I wouldn't dwell on it beyond this post.  I was looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow and I was totally comfortable it would just be me and the boys.  Honestly, we were better off.