206 : One Last Cry

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry


-Brian McKnight

Bravata and I used to listen to this song it college when it came out sometime in the late 90's. Bravata was always very in tune with lyrics and I usually knew the words so I could sing the song but didn't always process the meaning. Yesterday, though, I was driving into work and on the phone with my mom. I was recapping with her what I had recently learned about my Ex husband having a girlfriend and my theory that they were now living together (see post #205). I continued on to tell her how I was actually okay (and I was!). I wasn't uncomfortable speaking my truth after what I had been through in the past year. I wasn't just trying to be strong. As I stated yesterday (again, see post #205) I wasn't as upset as one would expect in this situation. My mom reminded me how wonderful I was just as she always did and we got off the phone as I was pulling into the parking garage. And then for some reason, this song came into my head. One Last Cry. I don't know why at that moment I thought of it, I am certain it had been a decade since I last heard it. I pulled out my phone and within 30 seconds had located it on YouTube. I left my sunglasses on and reclined my seat, playing the song through my phone as loud as it would go. And suddenly as though it was out of a movie scene, I felt tears begin to form in my eyes. This was my last cry. I had cried enough over this person. I deserved better. I knew all of this. I was lighter having him out of my life. But I had been caught slightly off guard by this. As soon as the tears started, it was as though a flood had been opened. I wasn't even sure where it was all coming from. I sobbed throughout the whole song and then repeated it for a second time. The moment was so pure and personal, I even debated about putting it on my blog. I didn't want to discuss it with anyone, I didn't want to acknowledge those final tears. I just had to let them out so I could let go. It was a new day.