Well here we are, the final post. 365 days. 1 Year. 1 long...fucked up...amazing year. In some ways it feels like the longest period ever and it other ways, it feels like it has flown by. I want to thank all of you who have gone along on this ride with me. I'd like to think some of it has been funny. I'd like to think some of it has made you cry. I'd like to think that some of what I have shared has moved you the tiniest bit or made you look at your loved ones with a little more appreciation than you did the day before. I am proud of what I have accomplished here and appreciate all the support my readers have provided. It means more than you know. The truth is, though, that as much as I enjoyed having you all read this, there is one person that this blog was truly meant for more than anyone else in the world. ME. This blog was the longest love letter I could ever write to myself at a time when I needed to be loved more than anything. I had no idea what I was doing when I began writing. All I knew was that I had used up all the phone calls to family and friends where I talked forever with no result in sight and they listened cautiously uncertain of what response was appropriate at that given moment. My time was up and yet I still had so much to work through. I didn't understand anything yet. I was hurting. I was angry. I was broken. And so I began writing. I was very protective of my writing at first, too. I remember revealing to my friend Megs at dinner one night that I had decided to start a blog. I was so vulnerable at the time, I had no intention of sharing it with anyone else. I doubted myself. I wasn't sure I could keep up with it. I wasn't even sure I knew what to write at that point. Within a week, though, I was already feeling something from the work I had started that I shared it with my close family and friends. Yes, I began this blog on shaky ground; I was unclear about the purpose, uncertain about the sustainability and mostly terrified of it's failure. I needed to succeed at something. And so through writing, I slowly began to rebuild myself in a way that no friend, no therapist nor my mom could do. I became reacquainted with myself again and who better to comfort, listen and reassure me than me? I began this blog a shade of the person I once was, and through writing I found myself again. And most importantly, I learned to love myself again. I will cherish this experiment and collection for the rest of my life. I will go back and read my own words when I need to hear them again or when I need a smile, a laugh or even a good cry. I will return here when I need to be reminded that I can succeed. I hope this experience has delivered the same to all of you. I hope you think to come back here and visit these pages whenever things are feeling heavy and unbearable. Because I will still be here. And the biggest lesson of all throughout this is that you can get through it. It doesn't matter how horrible the situation is. It's possible to come out on the other side. I did it. And if you ever need to be reminded of how to get there, just come back and read a couple of my posts.
Thank you again for reading.
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