Monday, April 29, 2013

1 : Start a Blog

My husband left me a few months ago.  He told me one night, completely out of the blue, that he wasn't happy and that he felt something had changed between us.  I'm not sure what marriage doesn't change when you have 2 children that are 2 years and 6 months, but despite my trying to explain that to him, he maintained that he wasn't happy.  Shortly thereafter he moved out and a little over a month later he filed for divorce.  This from a man that I had been with for almost 6 years, married to for almost 4.  I felt betrayed, devastated, angry, confused, hurt, you name it.  What had I done?  How could this happen to me?  I felt a sadness and insecurity that I had never known before.  But mostly, I just felt broken.  Everyone kept telling me I needed to take care of myself but I didn't even know what that meant necessarily.  And then one day it just kind of hit me.  I could lose my husband, but I would not lose myself.  My children deserved better and so did I.  And so began my renewal process.  Now don't get me wrong- I'm not a overly religious jesus freak type of person.  And while on my better days I do believe that things happen for a reason- if you told me that right when this all happened, I probably didn't appreciate it.  Somewhere deep down I knew (know) everything would be okay for me in the end, but to know it and to actually believe it...see it...are just two completely different things.

1. Start a Blog
I needed to find a way to get back to me.  And it's not like just one thing was going to be an instant fix.  That's why this is called 365 ways (it's a working title), because it is obviously complicated. So...I started a blog.  Just what the world needs, right? Another broken hearted woman writing about her man troubles and how she is forever scorned.  But alas, that is not what this blog is!  This is just the opposite.  It's a collection of what I did (am doing) to renew my spirit and heal my heart. I'm still healing.  I'm learning ways, though, that have helped me and I want to share them now.  Please know that these suggestions come in no particular order, I know I'm no expert and I'm not sure if anyone will read this other than my friend Megs and my mom (I love you both!)  But if I can help just one person feel better for just one day, then I will consider this to be an enormous success.  I'm not suggesting that if you get dumped that going out and starting a blog should be the first thing you do in response (see earlier note that these suggestions come in no particular order).  For me though, writing is therapeutic.  It's a way to get out all the negative energy to make room for something better.  Mostly importantly though, it helps me to put my focus on something else other than the pain I am feeling.  Maybe a blog isn't for you (I have yet to prove it for me yet, either!) but I am trying.  And putting the effort towards creating something actually makes me feel good.  So why not?



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