191 : Keep Asking

I was still learning how to 'do the dance' with my Ex.  As you may recall, the last time I had asked for an adjustment to our "set" schedule, he suggested he become their primary custodian instead of me (see post #172).  My Ex, however, had no problem making changes on me.  And being the decent, understanding human that I was, I allowed this.  Okay, go ahead and say it's partly my fault that I allowed this.  Well, from your limited perspective I can see how it could appear that way.  I, however, was deep into it, and unfortunately understood the complications in dealing with him.  I decided early on that the battles I would pick with him would be over money and not time.  Meaning: if he fell short on his financial obligations, I would call him on it to the highest degree.  If he fell short on his time spent with the kids, well, I wouldn't make that into my fight.  He would pay for that with his sons eventually and there was little to nothing I could do to convince him of this.  Regardless of all of this, I still needed to make changes to things from time to time.  And I never knew how those requests would be met.  It was as though I was dealing with a completely different person during each interaction.  As annoying as it was, I could not control that.  I could not control him.  I could only control myself.  So I would ask.  He could say yes, he could say no, he could be an ass for all I knew.  But I wouldn't stop asking.  We had many, many years to be involved in each other lives.  There was no reason to concede this early.  Most recently, I had an engagement with friends that fell on 'his' weekend.  I knew this early on, and decided I would just let it be.  I could bring my kids next year.  As the weekend grew closer though, I began to question how I would feel at the occasion, surrounded by all my friends and their kids, without my own family there to partake in the festivities.  Why not just ask?  I reached out over email, assuming that would be the easiest mode of communication.  And much to my surprise, he was fine with this shift.  It wasn't as cut and dry and just swapping weekends, we would have to dice things up a bit.  But he still agreed.  And without much of a fight.  So the last time, he threatened to fight me for custody and this time he just agreed.  Interesting.  Who knew what the next time would bring? For now, I would just write this one up as a win.