152 : Face the Past

I was in route to an appointment the other morning and walked right past the exact spot that my Ex proposed.  It was right off Michigan Avenue near the historic Water Tower Building.  I remembered that moment so vividly even though it was over 5 years ago.  We had gone to dinner and then because I wasn't feeling well, we were going to take a cab to get home.  My Ex crossed the street but instead of stopping for a cab, he just continued walking.  And I followed still unclear as to what was happening.  And then he did it.  He got down on one knee as a woman walking past gasped in seeing us.  You would expect that seeing this place would cause me to feel sad or pain of some sort.  Surprisingly though, it did not.  There was no way I would ever see this spot and not think of what happened there.  It was a huge moment in my life and I would never just forget it.  But I didn't really feel sad to walk by.  So much had happened in the past year.  And while it was difficult, infuriating at times, heart breaking at others...at the end of the day, I had come to learn a couple simple truths.  My Ex was not a happy person.  My Ex was not a good person.  And I was both of those things and so much more.  I never would've chosen to end my marriage.  But as I walked past this spot, I noticed the fact that I felt so much lighter at that moment.  It was as though a weight had been removed from my shoulders.  I still didn't know where I was going in life, but I knew any direction I headed would be better than where I had been.