145 : Co-Parent

Co-Parent.  I really despised that term.  What did it even mean anyway?  Okay, I knew what it meant, but it was annoying when I heard it because from my perspective I was doing everything.  You already know that I feel I got screwed over.  My Ex had abandoned me without warning and had definitely put me in a tough situation - emotionally, financially, you name it.  On the day of our official divorce, he had left me a voicemail saying he was looking forward to 'co-parenting' with me for many years to come.  I wanted to respond with "F*ck You."  I restrained myself though, as I had done so many times in the past.  It was not healthy to fester in that negative space, so I did my best to focus on what I had instead of what I'd lost and kept my head towards the future.  So when my Ex came over this week for his evening with the boys and there were no feelings of animosity present, I found it to be a relief.  Almost even pleasant.  Of all the times, I had returned to my home with him there, this one was the least controversial.  Yes, the majority of the responsibility remained on my plate and it would continue to for the foreseeable future.  Yes, I was still annoyed and at times disgusted by my Ex and his selfish choices.  But for the most part, we didn't really have much to argue about currently.  We both cared for our kids and were able to communicate without fears, threats, bitterness or anger.  I was honest with him about my struggles and exhaustion of being a single mom.  And he listened and responded judiciously without attacking.  It would never be perfect.  I knew this.  It would never even be easy.  But it was nice to see that it wouldn't always be so hard. We would be in each other's lives forever.  For the most part, the ugly stage was behind us.  It was nice to finally (for now at least) just be.