64 : Get Out of Your Own Head

The act of getting divorced introduced a lot of change in my life.  I immediately felt the impact emotionally and financially but eventually I began to feel it socially as well.  I was used to being married, which meant in the past we had socialized together.  Not exclusively, but more often than not we did things together.  We would go to dinner or do something with another couple or even just stay home and watch a movie.  Together.  That's what I was used to.  And then my husband left me.  So it was just me.  I was still able to make plans (see post #22).  I had so many friends around me that were there for me, inviting me to do things and offering to help with me kids.  But they were in a different place than I was now.  They were married and enjoyed spending every weekend with their families.  They were where I had been and where I wanted to be again someday.  Instead now, I had every other weekend to myself.  Fortunately, I worked with a great group of girls who were immediately inclusive.  Before life had never allowed much extra time to socialize with them outside of work, but here I was now in a different situation.  Many of them were single too, which meant they had more flexibility to hang out.  I felt fortunate to have these girls around who encouraged me to get out of the house.  And so that's just what I did.  I started going out on the weekends.  It was funny because I had not really been going out regularly on Friday nights in years.  But going out and having some drinks with friends was much more fun than sitting home alone drinking wine on my couch, right?  I was once again hitting the bars on the weekends.  I had even partaken in a cigarette on occasion (see post #47).  Who in the world was I becoming?  I caught myself overanalyzing my choices from time to time, as if I didn't already have enough to worry about in my life. After a couple weekends of going out, I made a self deprecating joke to one of my girlfriends.  Yup, I was 37 and going bar hopping that night. She instantly put in into perspective for me.

Enjoy going out and screw the 37 year old idea that you can't go out and have fun. 

We aren't 67...

Okay, fair enough.  I was going through a major life change after all.  If I wanted or needed to blow off some steam, now was the time.  And it was summer.  I wouldn't maintain this pace forever, but it was fun to indulge myself a little in the meantime.