73 : Stop Stewing

It happened from time to time, that people would ask me about my situation.  And sometimes during that conversation an innocent comment would be made (by the other person) that I would analyze, stew over or stay up at night replaying in my head.  It's not like people always knew what to say in these situations.  What I wanted to hear often varied based on my mood that day.  Sometimes I needed reassurance.  Sometimes sympathy.  Sometimes encouragement.  Sometimes I just wanted acknowledgement on how totally sh***y this situation was without the other person trying to make me feel better.  I had a conversation with a guy once, and he said Why did your husband leave?  Were you being a real bitch or something?  Yes, that was a real question - which for the record was not anything I wanted to hear.  Ever.  And no, I wasn't being a real bitch.  Life was just a bitch and I had been dealt a crappy hand.  I also heard comments about perhaps there had been signs or my husband (soon to be ex) wasn't a good dad or a good husband for that matter.  I have to say that even though he had done an awful thing to me and our kids, these comments still bothered me.  I felt they were reflective of me and my choices to be with this person.  He had been a good man up until he wasn't.  Somewhere along the way, he had changed which was the most puzzling thing about all of this.  I didn't like feeling as though I needed to defend myself or his behavior in any way.  I probably shouldn't have cared, but I did.  I reminded myself that ultimately, what was done was done and obsessing over the past wasn't going to change it.  While many of these people meant well when they were talking with me (well, except the one guy above)  they didn't know the intimate details of my marriage.  They didn't know what had really happened, just like I didn't.  I could waste my time rehashing things or I continue to put my energy towards to future.  It wasn't always easy, but I tried for the latter.  I had enough on my plate as it was.  I didn't need the extra stress of revisiting the past.  It was time to put my focus towards better days ahead.