172 : Use the Same Language Every Time

Dealing with an Ex in many ways was like dealing with my 3 year old.  I had to choose my words very carefully.  I had to be consistent with my message.  And sometimes, now matter how hard I tried, I just had to throw my hands up and acknowledge I couldn't win.  Don't worry readers, there was nothing new to report with my most recent exchange.  It still just blew my mind, however, how inconsistent my Ex could be with what he asked of me.  Take for example the other week.  I asked my Ex if we could extend the time frame occasionally on his nights so that I had a little extra time for myself.  Not every week.  Not even all night.  Just an hour or two past the boys bedtime.  I explained (even though I didn't have to) that I could use that time to catch up on work, go to yoga or even have dinner with a friend.  Having time for myself was important in order for me to be my best self for my boys.  Sounds reasonable, right?  Well apparently that was too much to ask.  My Ex suggested we change the arrangement so he was the primary custodian.  Yup.  That was his response to my request for an hour or two extra ON OCCASION.  After several attempts to talk through this both in person and via email, we finally came up with a fair compromise.  I told him I felt it was important that we remain flexible for each other for the sake of our kids.  Two weeks later, he cancelled on me the day of his visit.  Work was busy, he couldn't make it.  Of course!  I responded.  It's important that we remain flexible for each other.  I was pretty certain my words didn't register with him then.  And they may not for a very long time.  But I wouldn't stop.  I would continue to be consistent with my message and hope that eventually, some day it would finally sink in.