168 : Break Your Silence

I come from a large family - not my immediate family but my extended family.  My dad was one of seven children.  His parents valued faith and family above all else and did a wonderful job of instilling that in their kids.  So my Aunt, the oldest sibling in their family, carried on the torch of keeping everyone informed after both my grandparents passed.  She took it upon herself to send a monthly email to all of us.  All 30 something of us.  For better or worse, every month an email went out highlighting the happenings with our family.  Birthdays.  Anniversaries.  New developments.  Okay, so it was possibly a little cheesy sometimes, but it was always sent with the best intentions.  I rarely responded to this emails. I read them every time, but did not have much to add in response.  And then when my marriage began to crumble, I felt even more self conscious about responding to anyone, let alone all 30 something of them.  It was my family, yes, but the thought was overwhelming and intimidating at the same time to acknowledge to that large group that my marriage had failed.  My aunt continued sending her email every month.  And never once was there a mention of this major life change that I had fallen victim to.  I know this was done out of respect for me.  And there were private conversations that took place along the way.  Still, I felt odd reading the emails every month without any recognition of the most life altering situation every to come my way.  To be clear, it didn't bother me at all.  It just felt wrong.  And so finally, one day after reading her monthly update, I sent a response.  To everyone.

Hello.

It's been a while since I've sent an update, so I thought I would take a minute to do so.  I think everyone has heard by now what's been going on with me this past year, but just in case here goes. Much to my surprise, T decided at the beginning of the year, he was not happy in our marriage, and chose to end things. It's been a long year, full of new challenges, lots of adjusting and the empowering realization that I am so much stronger than I ever knew.  (I've also learned that my sense of humor remains dead on even at the most trying of circumstances which I'm equally proud of!)  I want to thank everyone for their thoughts, prayers and show of support during this crazy time.  The divorce was official in August, and it happened to be a wonderful coincidence that I was out in San Diego with my whole family (and Kingston!) on that day.  The boys are thriving despite this new transition.  Jack is going to pre school 2 mornings a week and loving it.  He is also an incredible athlete already at only 3 years old- the only question is, what will be his sport?  Rory is growing like a weed and aggressively trying to keep up with his brother.  He is incredibly chill and often just watches Jack and laughs.  The two of them are such good buddies already- I look at them daily and am reminded at how lucky I am.  We are all looking towards the future.  I'm not sure what it will hold.  I was considering a move back to MI- but the job market has not lended itself the right opportunity yet. I'm also torn because I've spent 12 years building a life for myself in Chicago, both personally and professionally.  I'm just trying to be open and patient about what the next move is.  I will keep everyone posted as I figure that out.

Attached is a picture of the boys in their Halloween costumes: FIRE FIGHTERS!  They have been wearing them daily since I got them.  I hope we can make it to Halloween.

Hope everyone is well,

Molly

As soon as I sent the email, I was swept with an overpowering sense of relief.  And freedom. I had broken my silence.  I had acknowledged to everyone what had happened and it was now out there.  It only took a few minutes for my first response to trickle in.  As the day went on, I received more and more.  It's as though people had been wanting to reach out to me this whole time and had just remained silent to follow my lead.  Putting it out there made me feel alive and free and happy.  And the onslaught of support that followed only made it all the better.