157 : Reset

One of the most difficult things about getting a divorce after you have kids is that you are forever connected to that person.  So basically you break up and you are attached to that person through the very best extention of yourself (your children).  It's far more complicated in reality than it sounds.  Fortunately, my Ex and I were both conscious enough of our kids to act cordial in front of them at all times.  And overall, I had learned the best way to deal with my Ex was to practice patience (see post #34 - aka bite my tongue, be the bigger person, take the high road).  I would say that is the route that I took 98% of the time.  But sometimes that son of bitch just pissed me off so much that I couldn't help myself.  I had to push back.  I knew in doing so, I was poking a bear and he would most certainly retaliate.  And that is exactly what happened during one of our most recent exchanges.  It seemed like just a few weeks ago, I was feeling good about our interactions and ability to co-parent (see post #145).  And then the very next time we saw each other there was a heated exchange.  Now just to be clear, there has never been ANY physical abuse whatsoever in this relationship.  I do think, though, there has been verbal abuse on more than one occasion.  This night in particular, somehow we seemed to have a breakdown in a communication resulting in a heated exchange and unnecessary threats.  His pattern had always been to overreact and then follow up with apologies.  And I knew eventually we'd get there.  But I was quickly reminded again at how unhappy he was.  It wasn't worth my time to have him attack me and blow up in response to a minor request.  It wasn't worth me expressing the tiniest bit of frustration or really emotion of any sort in his presence.  He would never NEVER acknowledge how much he had left for me to do, how guilty he felt and how miserable he was inside.  It would always be my fault somehow.  Fortunately, I was smart enough to know that wasn't the case.  I couldn't hold my tongue this last time, but he reaction reminded me to reset and be better prepared next time.  He was just simply not worth it.