333 : Can You Help?

As the primary custodian of my children, I often felt the majority of responsibility fell on me. Fortunately, I had a wonderful nanny who was incredibly reliable. Additionally, my mom was retired and available to help me when needed. So even though she was 3 hours away in Michigan, my mom still jumped at the opportunity to see her grandkids when possible. My career had given me significant experience solving problems. I could solve anything. This became a real asset to me as I transitioned into being a single parent. However, because I was capable of solving things, I often just did this without even bringing forth the issue to my Ex. He was of very little help to me. I don't say that to be cold or cruel, I am simply stating the truth. When I was in a jam, he was of very little help to me. And because of this, somewhere along the way, I simply stopped reaching out to ask him for help. Then, this past week introduced a new dilemma that needed to be solved. My nanny was having some problems at home (see post #331) and needed a personal day to address them. Unfortunately, it fell on the same day that I had been summoned for jury duty. I had already postponed this obligation several times and knew I would most likely not be excused again. So what was I to do? I called my mom to see if she was available to help out and then momentarily considered it solved. However, I began to feel angry with my Ex. Here I was handling all of this so seamlessly and he wasn't doing anything. The truth was, though, he didn't even know. I decided it was time to start bringing him back into the conversation. I reached out to him via email and explained how both our nanny and I had a conflict this Thursday. There was nothing either of us could do to work around this. Could he help at all? Could he keep the boys overnight on Wednesday (his weekly visit) and get my oldest to school on Thursday (he had never taken him once the 8 months my son had been attending)?  Could he work from home on Thursday and watch my youngest at his apartment? The email led to a phone call where he explained all the reasons he was unable to assist. I had expected this response. And again, I knew I would be able to solve it. I was proud of myself, however, for at least presenting the problem to him. In the very least, he acknowledged what I was doing and how much I was doing. That acknowledgement meant more to me than his assistance ever would.  He may not ever be able to help me out, but it would continue to be important for him to know how much I was doing.  I felt proud just for trying here and promised myself I would try again.