324 : Where's My Daddy?

This past weekend, my boys and I enjoyed a friends get together to celebrate St. Patrick's day (see post #322).  As I have mentioned in multiple previous posts, I was very close with this group of friends, so by default my children had already become friends with their children.  On our way out to the event, my oldest began going through the roster of people that would be in attendance and how they were associated.  This time in particular, I noticed he seemed to spend more time than normal relating the father from each family to the mother and children.  He seemed very interested in all the dads.  Even at 3 years old.  I sensed that he understood on some level that his father was not present and the other dads were present.  Perhaps it was just a physical state of being present and nothing more than that, but I was somewhat sensitive about that.  It broke my heart to think about my son feeling deprived in any way because his father and I were no longer together.  He didn't act sad about it on that day, but the ongoing discussion about how people were related made me aware it was a puzzle he was beginning to solve.  So it should've been no surprise to me that the week following seemed to focus much more on 'daddy' than usual.  Sunday morning after the party, the first thing my son said was that he missed daddy.  My reaction was pretty sympathetic by now.  Previously those words had cut like a knife, but now I could see things more rationally.  I wanted to be supportive to my son when he felt this way.  Of course he missed his dad.  His father was not around all that much and it became more obvious when he saw other fathers in the picture more often.  He brought it up again that evening.  We tried to call his dad, but he did not answer.  I assured him that daddy must be busy and he agreed that daddy was probably working.  When I came home from work yesterday, I was greeted by a very sad child.  He approached me very slowly saying that he missed daddy.  Normally I was bombarded with enthusiasm when I got home after work, but tonight there was clearly something wrong.  Without letting a moment pass, I suggested we give daddy a call.  My son looked up with interest.  I whipped out my phone and called his dad on the spot.  And amazingly enough- he answered.  They spoke for what was probably less than 2 minutes, but my son beamed the entire time.  Even my youngest wanted to get on the phone for a second with his dad.  He would be coming over the next day which seemed to satisfy both boys.  I was sure this was just the beginning of many more conversations and questions about our family in the future.  I felt proud of myself though; not only in how I responded to my son's needs but how his needs actually made me feel.  I wasn't hurting or jealous or sad to know that he wanted his dad.  Yes, it wasn't always easy to hear, but I understood why he felt that way.  In a small way, this was progress in my personal growth.  No matter how selfless I tried to act during this life change, I couldn't deny how I often felt at my core.  And now in this moment, I had reached a place where I could see this situation for exactly what it was.  Just a little boy wanting his father (like he should) without taking anything away from me.  I knew there would be more difficult times and explaining to do in the future, but for now I decided to pore myself a glass of wine and cheers the success in this one event.  Go Mom.