310 : Why Are You So Angry?

I said from the beginning that this would be a positive blog and I think I have been true to that up to this point.  (For the most part at least).  However, part of my journey the past year has been to navigate this new relationship with my now Ex husband.  We had two children together, therefore we would always be in each others lives.  Our interactions had ups and downs to say the very least, but it seemed most recently that things had gotten incredibly heated every time we communicated.  Our divorce had been official for months.  Our relationship was over even longer than that.  How was it possible this person could be so incredibly angry with me still?  I will admit, I was not the type of person who handled it well when someone did not like me.  No, I was not an egomaniac, but I did like to think I was a people pleaser.  I liked to make others feel good.  I tried to be warm and friendly and accepting of those around me.  When someone was not open to me as a person, it bothered me to the point that I tried harder to get them to like me.  I liked being liked, okay?  My Ex had left me.  He had chosen to internalize his feelings and shut me out.  He had chosen to move out of our home.  He had chosen to end our marriage.  And yet, lately it felt like every time I saw him, he treated me as though I had done this to him.  He looked at me with resentment and anger.  It felt so unfair.  He was off living with another woman, pursuing a different path that he had chosen (unlike me where the decision had been made for me) and yet it still felt as though he blamed me for everything.  Now to my loyal readers and friends who get concerned whenever they read about anything regarding my Ex- worry not -nothing new had transpired in the past week.  But the recent exchanges we had continued to haunt me.  I had done everything in my power to accept the situation and move forward.  I did not want to be dragged back down to the dark place where he resided.  I was talking to a friend about the question that continued to weigh heavily on my mind: why was my Ex so angry with me?  It took an outsider to remind me about what my life had looked like the past year versus what my Ex husband's life had looked like.  She pointed out how he continued to spiral downhill while I instead was creating a brighter, happier future.  I had accepted the situation and moved on.  I felt thankful for the perspective she provided.  It was impossible not let be impacted by him at times, but I felt relieved to be reminded of where I was.  I wouldn't waste any more time thinking about this.