So I had started my search for a new place. My lease wasn't up until end of August, but I wanted to find something to buy and I knew it could take time. If I was going to move, I might as well have the summer with a back yard for my boys, right? I had looked around a little but had not seen much yet that I was excited about (see post #315). And then one day, I found it. The perfect house. I mean really, the PERFECT house. It was in a perfect location. There was a friend within minutes, the train was walkable, the garage was attached and a park was nearby. Oh and did I mention the preschool I was interested in was also in the neighborhood. The list went on. It was perfect except for one thing. The price. Even if I stretched myself to the farthest I could go, I wouldn't be able to make it work. Or if somehow I was able to, it probably wasn't the most responsible thing. I had done the one thing that you are not supposed to do when you are looking for a house. I fell in love with something out of my price range. And now I couldn't stop thinking about it. This had happened one other time before only I had fallen in love with a house in a horrible neighborhood. In absence of a spouse I called my friend Amy who steered me back on track. She would never send her kids to those schools. That's all it took and I was done. So now I was onto to the newest perfect house, and I was feeling consumed with it and needed to be talked down. I turned to my mom who was the closest thing I had to a partner at the moment. She listened without judgement as she always did and then reminded me there would be something else. Perhaps she and my dad could even find a way to assist me in some capacity. I felt awful in hearing those words. I had been such a horrible investment up to this point. They had helped me out so many times in the past. They had been incredibly generous for my wedding. And what had it gotten them? I didn't know I was feeling emotional at the moment, but tears were suddenly in my eyes and my throat began cracking as I stated how I felt at that particular moment:
Even I would not invest in me right now.
My mom assured me that every choice from the past had been worthwhile because it had created my two beautiful sons. They were the greatest return on investment that anyone could want. I continued to cry for a minute and she continued to reassure me that my divorce was in no way a personal failure. I didn't know where my emotion was stemming from, but I knew that it felt good to release it. Thank God for my mom. There would be another house. There would always be another house.
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