247 : Happy New Year

I took my own advice and wrote a letter to my future self (see post #243).  I thought about doing this privately, but then realized I've shared so much of my private life here in the past year, it only felt right to continue to do so.  (Also, if I didn't post it here then I may not actually do it.  At least this way, I'm accountable!)

December 31, 2013

Dear Molly,

I'm writing this letter to you on New Year's Eve 2013.  The past year has been shitty as I'm sure you recall.  But you've held yourself together and moved forward with dignity and grace.  Always be proud of that.  I write this now as an exercise for the future.  I want to note what it is I want and hope to have 2 years from now.  Hopefully that is when you actually read this.

My hope is that by this time you are settled in a new home.  Currently, we live in an apartment on Western and both you & the boys are ready for more space (both), a yard (the boys) and a fresh start (you).  Whether you are renting or a home owner, I hope the place feels like home.  I hope you are happy there and have already created some new memories.

I also hope you feel proud and satisfied with where you are professionally.  Life is too short for anything else.  I know your job will never define you but you are also very good at whatever you do.  You are driven and ambitious.  I hope you feel valued in whatever role you are currently in.

I hope you still love being a mother and watching your boys grow.  I know it can be hard at times - especially doing it all alone- but I hope you still stop to take in all the magical moments around you.  Those boys are lucky to have you!  You are raising strong, confident, well adjusted young men. Again, feel proud of this as it's no small task.

I hope you are more than just a mother these days.  Meaning:  I hope you have someone special in your life who sees your true value.  I really hope it's a serous relationship- perhaps you are even remarried by now.  Regardless, I hope it's a partnership built on trust and understanding, mutual interests and values, acceptance and dedication to your children and above all else: unconditional love.  Please never forget you deserve all of this.  You deserve the butterflies in your stomach, 'can't live without you' love and a partner who is reliable and present in your life.  If you don't have this yet, I hope you haven't gotten cynical or given up on the possibility.  It will happen at some point.  Don't forget that.

I hope you've become desensitized to the word 'divorce', to your Ex in general and to what happened in the past year.  He's not worth your pain, your irritation or your anger.  What happened was not your fault and I don't want you to lose any more of yourself than you already have.  

Finally, I hope that you still know who you are.  I hope you are confident in your decisions.  I hope that you can trust yourself again.  You are a wonderful person who deserves all of this and more.

Love,

Molly