275 : Show Me the Money

Well an interesting discovery was made this week.  My Ex had earned his first bonus post divorce.  And since the boys and I were entitled to 28% of that, he delivered it to us right away.  The thing was, though, it was not exactly how I thought it was going to go down.  On Sunday when he brought the boys home after having them that weekend, he set down some cash on the counter and explained that was my cut.  He provided no context on how much the check was and I didn't even have a chance to count it right then.  I was caught off guard to say the least as the boys climbing all over me.  I thought the money would be deducted from his commission checks just like my child support was deducted from his regular pay checks.  He said no, but I was determined to look into it.  I called my dad later that night and inquired about how this worked and he agreed the money should be automatically deducted just like the rest of the child support.  As an attorney, that is how he set it up for his clients.  Okay, great.  I looked into my paper work from my attorneys and it did not appear to be set up that way.  Being the worrier I was, I stewed on this all night to the point that I had a stomachache from anxiety.  I reached out to my attorneys first thing the next morning to hopefully clarify the situation.  They explained to me that in the state of Illinois, you had to set the deduction to a specific dollar amount, not a percentage.  Therefore, there was no way to receive any bonus/commission check money automatically.  I would have to hope my Ex would be forthright with me every time he got a commission check and ask him to provide me with a copy of the check so I could verify the percentage.  Kill me now.  My biggest issue with him post divorce was dealing with financial matters.  As it was already, we had a very strict calendar (see post #262) that itemized when money was due and what amount and it was still often difficult at times to get that money from him (see post #227).  I asked my attorney about any way around this- I hated the fact that I had to enforce this.  I had no way of knowing even if/when he was getting a commission check, let alone the amount.  And knowing that this was the biggest area for growth in his salary over the next decade, it made me sick that I would have to just keep asking and tracking it all myself.  It seemed so simple, and yet there was nothing the law could do to automate what was rightfully mine.  I knew what I had to do.  I had to address this with him to see if we could agree to a system to work together.  But I was dreading that conversation.  Here I thought this was all behind me and now I had to go there again- even though it had been agreed to- to arrange how we'd handle this moving forward.  Now I just want to say, for the record, I didn't think my Ex was intentionally planning to withhold any money from me.  He said he wanted to do right by me and the boys (financially speaking) and I believed this to be true.  However, my experience to date was we both had a lot going on in our lives and it was just complicated to keep track of it all.  I could see something easily getting lost in the shuffle.  My attorneys offered the option that if it was easier- I could just get his W2s at the end of the year and request all the commission money at once, but I feared he would no longer have it if I did it that way.  Plus I could use the money now.  I felt sick just thinking about it.  I would see him that night and we'd have our discussion.  Fortunately I had a visit with my therapist that day to help prep me in advance.  To be continued...