When my husband first abandoned me, just one year ago, I was completely devastated. I could not comprehend that someone could do this to another person. Their partner of all people. And yet, the more I opened up about it, the more I learned that this type of behavior was not all that uncommon. My mom would tell me about a friend of a friend's daughter who was completely abandoned by her husband and now was also raising their children on her own. It seemed like the more it was talked about, the more I realized that this happened. A lot. Let's be clear, that does not in any way condone this behavior. I feel strongly that marriage is a big commitment, one that takes constant attention, flexibility and refining by both partners. However, it seemed that many other people out there took this commitment far less lightly. Take the cousin Liz situation for instance. No, she was not my cousin but the cousin of a friend and colleague of mine. After I finally returned to work (see post # 43) I began to share my story with my coworkers. I wasn't asking for sympathy and I wasn't offering an explanation. But for some, the few that actually inquired about it, I shared the very private details about what had happened. And for one friend and colleague in particular, I learned quickly that he was aware of my situation. He was seeing it firsthand with his cousin. As I recall she was married a short while and had become pregnant (by choice!) when her husband suddenly became unsure of their commitment. He bailed. Just as my Ex husband had bailed on me. I felt horrible in hearing this story. How dare he do this to her. She was just on the verge of creating the most magical thing one could experience in life and her husband bailed. I did not even know Liz. But I knew she deserved better. My friend and I were talking about it one night and I provided my thoughts on the situation. The next year would be hard just as it would for anyone having a baby. Partner or not, the first year was intense. There were physical challenges. Sleep deprivation. And emotional roller coasters that were beyond comprehension. This was normal. Totally and completely normal. But she would get through it. She would meet the most amazing little person she had even known that would melt her heart time and time again. She would eventually get a good night's sleep again. And she would after a while, find herself throughout this whole thing. I expressed how as difficult as it must be for this to be happening at this moment, that as someone who had just experienced a similar situation with young kids- the timing might just be for the best. I was told my insight on the matter was good which is why I chose to post this one today. It was weird how just a year ago, I had been struggling to accept the hand I had been dealt and now I was offering advice to the next person with confidence. It felt strange, but good. And right. It was possible to conquer. I had done it. Liz would do it, too.
No comments:
Post a Comment