253 : Resolve

I'm not perfect.  I know this.  I am who I am and I think I accept that for the most part.  I like myself in fact.  But there are always things- some big, some small, that I'd like to improve upon.  For 2014, I made a resolution that I was going to stop allowing myself to get angry with my Ex.  This wasn't the only thing I had resolved to do in the new year, but this was definitely one that I had really noted to myself as an area of improvement.  It happened a lot.  He'd say something that would just rub me the wrong way.  Or he'd do nothing but the fact that he was my Ex and I still had to deal with him would aggravate me to no end.  The purposes of my resolution had nothing to do with him - it was entirely for me.  I didn't want to be that person.  I didn't like being angry or unhappy.  It's not like I felt this way all the time, but I did feel it.  It wasn't all consuming and I wasn't walking around mad at the world.  He just bothered me.  Or should I say I let him bother me.  And I don't mean in a heart broken way, either.  I mean - you are such a selfish mother f**ker.  I think I hate you - kind of way. Even if I never said it to anyone and it just went through my head when I saw him.  I really wanted to rid myself of those thoughts in 2014.  I knew this would be hard and I knew it might not even happen entirely.  But I felt it was good to have a goal like this for myself.  Let's start the year off right.  Fresh.  Happy.  And then my Ex brought my kids back to me on new years day.  Our exchange was short but pleasant.  This was good.  That's when he said it.

Let's hope 2014 is a better year for both of us.

Anyone that doesn't know my Ex might think that is a nice thing to say.  And perhaps he meant it that way.  I just could not believe he had the audacity to say that to me.  Me of all people.  The thoughts than ran rapid through my mind at that moment were far from pleasant.  So it was only day 1 into the new year and I had already failed on one of my resolutions.  I would keep trying.  And well, there was always 2015.