363 : What's Next?

When my ex (then husband) first moved out of our apartment, aside from all of the emotional trauma I felt, I was scared to live there alone.  I had not lived alone (meaning without another adult) in a very long time.  I was accustomed to having a partner.  Sure, I still had roommates, but that made me even more nervous!  Were we safe living alone…on Western?  I was also intimidated at the idea of being the only parent living with the boys- 100% responsible for both of them all the time.  I knew I could do it, but admittedly it was an intimidating thought.  And then somewhere over the past year I began to feel more comfortable with everything.  I began to feel calm.  I began to feel strong.  I began to feel happy.  In fact, last night after my kids went to bed, I realized I was genuinely happy.  I looked at my life and I liked it.  How many times did people actually do that?  Or better yet, how many times did they stop to actually acknowledge it? I was happy with where my life was at the moment.  And the thing that I think I needed to credit partly was this blog.  This blog.  The journey of writing that saved me.  Sure I had been annoyed I had to write at times.  I had gotten lazy on certain days and let exhaustion triumph.  But in 3 days, when I complete my final post, I don't know what I will do with myself.  Yes, I will rejoice and celebrate that moment.  I may even celebrate for a week.  It will be a relief to come home after work without having another assignment to complete.  It will be good to enjoy my dinner or unwind with a show.  It will be wonderful to just sit.  But I hope I don't sit still for too long.  I hope that I can continue writing.  I hope that I can continue to look within, challenge the things I'm afraid of and be thankful for all that I have.  I hope that I can continue to feel immersed in creativity.  I hope that I can continue to be inspired.  Because I think that inspiration brought forth my happiness.  I don't know what is next for certain.  All I know is that I want to keep writing.  Thank you, blog, for showing me I can.