350 : Men and Divorce

In the past year, I had befriended three different divorced men on various levels.  Two of whom I got to know through work, and one was a guy I just met on my own.  Divorce was a tricky thing.  And divorce with kids was even trickier.  It was almost as though the minute you learned someone had gone through a similar situation, you felt instantly connected to them.  Or at least I did.  I had to be conscious that the divorce itself was not something to measure compatibility against, but initially it made me feel more comfortable in meeting people.  Recently, I was talking with the guy I had been seeing as of late and I asked him the bold question that had been on my mind.  Why did you get divorced?  He seemed comfortable with my question and was open about his answer.  There was no shock or big reveal- it was simply a relationship where the parties involved seemed to have lost each other.  I listened attentively, but could not help but thinking the way in which he was describing everything sounded exactly how my ex was probably spinning our story anyone who asked.  This made me sick.  From my perspective there had been nothing simple or cordial about our situation except for the grace and dignity in which I had consistently responded to everything.  And I told my friend right then and there how his story made me feel.  I could picture my ex peddling that exact same bullshit to another woman.  And it made me sick.  What did it matter how he chose to portray the situation?  I guess in some way, it was still the ultimate insult to me. He had abandoned me and our children.  He had done so in quite possibly the worst way possible.  And yet, I was concerned about what he was telling people about it?  What he was telling people about me? I guess what it came down to was this.  I could accept his choice to end things.  It was not what I wanted, and not what I would have chosen, but regardless I could accept it.  What I could not accept was any defamation of my character.  This bothered me.  Just admit that you screwed up!  Just admit that you walked out. Perhaps he was doing this and I didn't even know but I doubted it.  And in the end it didn't matter.  We both knew who each other really was and what had gone down between us.  Still, it felt that it was easier for men in some way than it was for women.  And I was proof of that because here I was spending time with a man who was telling me the same story and I believed everything he was telling me.  Was it really just that simple?  I acknowledged that it was something I needed to let go of and promised myself that I would.  Eventually.