"I think it's different when you have an office job, because it's routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening. When you're shooting a movie, they're like, 'We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,' and then you work 14 hours a day and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it's not like being on set."
-Gwyneth Paltrow
As a mother myself, I found this comment to be completely disrespectful but as a working single mother I found it to be outright offensive. What I wouldn't give to have my mornings to get things done. Could someone please explain to me how this happens? My oldest son, age 3, wakes up the minute I do (if not earlier) so I am barely able to complete a thought without having someone tugging at me in the morning. And then my youngest is also beginning to wake up and want my attention at the same time. It seems no matter how much earlier I set the alarm, it makes no difference; somehow they both just know when I am awake. The other morning, in fact, I allowed my 3 year old to capture the moment because, well, I needed to keep him entertained so I could attempt to finish getting ready for work. This is my life.
The hours of 9-5 no longer exist in the professional world. My phone is buzzing at all hours with texts and emails. Not only is it normal that people respond to said emails and texts at all hours, it is expected. And if I chose to punch out and not respond immediately, I am only punishing myself because it is just one more thing to do the next day. Plus I have kids, so I have to make myself available constantly or I will be written off as 'just being a mom' instead of the accomplished professional I am. Because of this, I bring my computer home every night and often find myself working for several hours after my kids go to bed, just to keep up.
Which brings us to the evenings. I come home from work exhausted, hungry and wanting to do nothing more than put on my comfy yoga pants and snuggle with my kids. What tends to happen though, is that after having been gone all day, my children are usually riled up to see me. This prolongs them going to bed, which then prolongs my ability to make dinner for myself. Should I chose to leave the dishes in the sink or not wash my pans, I will only hate myself more in the morning. So every night I leave the kitchen tidy (sometimes before I even sit down to eat!) and I prep my coffee for the next day. Then I pour myself a glass of wine and tune into to something that requires very little thinking power to follow. This is pretty much my routine day in and day out. It does not include any of the additional gems that make life fun like grocery shopping, doing laundry, working out or heaven forbid a night of socializing. On top of all of this, I have to live with the constant guilt on both ends- work and home. I always feel like I am failing at both, even though I scold myself simultaneously for thinking such a thing. Somehow I am doing it, though. With very little help from my Ex, with no family in the state, I am somehow dual pathing my life of mother and working professional. And I'm doing it pretty damn successfully.
Will it ever get easier? I'm not sure. The balance of work and kids will most likely always be a sensitive topic for me. But the divorce topic has become less so, so I have that going for me. Gwyneth will get there too. It will probably take time, and it won't always be easy, but she will get there. And in the meantime, if she needs some support, I know of a great blog.
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