364 : Our Roles as Parents

I took my kids for donuts yesterday morning, which is not something I typically do.  It's something that makes me think of my dad; he had the sweet tooth in the family and donuts were his thing.  When we visited my parents now, my dad would take my oldest on a donut run in the morning.  And even though I was not a big fan of the sugar intake for my 1 and 3 year olds, I loved that their papa was engaging with them in that special way.  I didn't know what role or traditions their own father was introducing them to.  I'm sure there were some, but since we no longer shared a life, I was not privy to what they were.  When I thought about my childhood, I had very distinct memories of both my mom and dad as a couple as an individuals.  They had a wonderful partnership, they both worked hard, provided for us within reason and emphasized the importance of family.  That description though, really just covers the broad strokes.  It's the people they were, the unique traits they both offered that made them so special.  My mom was always the one who would take us shopping in the fall for new school clothes.  She understood the importance of name brands (to a certain degree) and she wanted us to have what we wanted (to a certain degree).  I clearly remember every time we pulled in to the garage after the mall trip, she would tell us to go straight to our rooms and not tell my dad what we had spent.  It's not that they had money issues- it's just that my dad was more of a value shopper and would not appreciate the price for trends.  And my dad had his things, too.  He was not exactly what you called 'handy' regarding auto or home repairs but he certainly knew how to use duct tape.  When I stopped to think about all the special characteristics they each brought to my life, it made me feel a little sorry for my kids that they were not experiencing that in the same way.  Perhaps it didn't matter, because they still had a relationship with both their father and I- but it just still felt different.  My oldest had been talking about his dad a lot lately; telling me he really missed his dad every other day.  I had grown more resilient to hearing this, and usually suggested we try to call his dad.  So both on Thursday night and on Saturday night we called.  We got voicemail.  My oldest left a message for his dad, and there was no call back.  Either time.  I couldn't begin to understand how that was possible, but there was nothing I could do.  So, because of that, I took them for donuts yesterday.  I felt like I needed to do something that the 'father' would typically do.  Something that my father had done for me.  I'm sure my boys had no concept of where this gesture had originated from but it didn't really matter.  The smiles on their faces as they picked their donuts with white frosting and sprinkles said it all.  They loved it.