352 : What Kind of Mom am I?

As the custodial calendar fell this year, I would not have my boys for Easter.  I'm sure if I stopped and dwelled on this for a long time, I would feel sad about it.  I had consciously chosen not to do that, though, so I was feeling okay about it.  The past couple weeks (months even) had been very busy.  Fun, social busy but busy just the same.  So when I realized that this upcoming weekend was Easter and I would not be with my kiddos, well, I was just fine with that.  I was looking forward to having a little time to myself.  I wanted to be free to do whatever I wanted to do.  Get drunk.  Go to Yoga.  Try a new recipe.  Bake.  Sleep.  Whatever I felt like, I could do.  This freedom was what I had started cherishing more than anything when it came to my weekends "off' from the boys be it Easter or not.  It wasn't until just the other morning, though, that I began to think about how I would celebrate Easter with them even if we were not together for the actual day.  It seemed easier with other holidays.  Christmas or Birthdays required presents and therefore the ideas came more naturally.  Easter, however, was different.  I knew my kids would be with their grandparents and I was confident that my former mother in law would have enough sugar to make up for whatever I was missing.  As I thought about this more, a bigger question began to surface.  What kind of mom was I going to be?  It had been important to my ex and I (even when we were together) not to spoil our kids.  I use that term loosely, as everyone's situation is different.  For me, I did not want to create an environment where every holiday meant presents and time with each parent or family meant more presents.  I wasn't as concerned about celebrating the religious part of Easter with my kids (they were a little young for that still) but more so wanted to do something that captured the spirit and tradition for our family.  I had missed my opportunity the weekend before to decorate eggs.  I had the most adorable pottery barn kids easter baskets, but did I really want them to come home off their sugar high only to see another treat awaiting them?  No.  I talked this through with a couple friends in search for the perfect solution to what would be an ongoing dilemma.  How could I give them everything even when I didn't have them and how could I ensure that I wasn't giving them too much?  In the end, I settled on the idea of having my own easter egg hunt take place upon their return that sunday afternoon/evening.  The eggs didn't need to be filled with treats.  It was about the hunt itself that would be fun for them.  I felt good about this approach.  I wanted to give them the world, but I didn't want them to have twice as much as a result of our divorce.  In some ways this was unavoidable, but in other ways it was not.  I felt good about my decision and hoped I was headed in the right direction.