302 : There Are No Words

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday.  I was a morning person by all means, so I tried to snap out of it.  But as my morning went on, I decided it would be better to just be honest with myself (and others around me) about how I was feeling.  I was undoubtedly in a bad mood.  A foul mood in fact.  I didn't get this way often, and I wasn't taking it out on everyone.  But I wanted to be clear to anyone I came into contact with, that this was the state I was currently in.  It had started with an exchange I had with my Ex over the weekend.  I asked what I thought was a simple question, and he responded from a place of anger.  And because my children were right there and in my presence for the rest of the day, I had no way to discuss with anyone what had happened.  For this reason, I wasn't really surprised when I woke up still stewing about it on Monday.  Over time, I had gotten much better at interacting with my Ex, and I knew when to end the conversation and walk away.  But for some reason, this time was different.  I was very angry by what had occurred.  It had indeed been a simple question.  How in the world was I supposed to co-parent with this man if he was completely unwilling to communicate with me?  It bothered me most of the day.  I spoke to my friend at work about it and even asked her to help me draft an email to him.  Should it be an email or should it be an in person conversation?  I debated back and forth, but in the end decided to send the email to get the weight off my chest.  I still didn't feel any better though, because I knew that I was only now waiting for him to retaliate.  And then I got home from work and found both of my boys getting ready for bed.  My youngest was tired, so even though they normally went down together, I got him in bed a little earlier that night.  My oldest wanted to lay on my bed and watch a show.  We got pjs on, cuddled together under a blanket and watched Curious George.  And for the first time in over 24 hours, I felt at peace.  I'm not sure what it was that brought me back.  Was it that I had addressed my frustration in sending that email?  Was it because I had just wasted enough time being bothered by this?  No, I don't think so.  In truth, I think it was just the sweet moment of cuddling with my son that reminded me what really mattered.  There was nothing left to say.