297 : Love by the Numbers

I've been thinking about dating a lot as of late.  Where are all the good men?  How come nobody has snatched me up yet?  Here my Ex is already living with someone else (consciously refraining from commenting more on that) and yet I am just living the dream...alone.  It feels so unfair.  I know life is unfair, but this feels really unfair.  If only I could go back and do it all over again, what would I do differently?  Well I think we should start with college.  Right off the bat, I can say I did not take advantage of the dating options I had in college.  I was that girl.  I was far more interested in hanging out with my girlfriends that I was in having a relationship with a guy.  I mean, I liked guys.  I flirted with guys.  I hooked up with guys.  But I can't say I "dated" in college.  I don't even think I knew how to be in a relationship at that time.  Looking back, I can say now that was a prime opportunity to meet a good guy and I missed it.  (Additionally, I will say that if I could do it all over again, I think I would've been a little sluttier too, but that's besides the point.)  My first real relationship came after college and lasted a year, maybe two?  (Sad, that I don't even remember now).  We were clearly not meant to be, but that relationship taught me a lot about myself, about being vulnerable and yes of course, about love.  Our breakup was one a key factor (among others) that propelled my move to Chicago.  So if nothing else, I can thank him for that.  I was 25 when I moved here.  Again, if I could do it all over, I would have dated more at that age, too.  I moved here having just gotten out of a relationship and wanted to start my life fresh.  I wanted to focus on me.  And I'm sure that was a good thing, but what I would give to be 25 again in the big city!  (The view is much different from 37).  Moving on.  From the ages of 27-31, I had 3 different men for which I felt something.  I won't be naive enough to call it love, but it was certainly something.  There was Jim (I wrote him a letter?!?).  There was Matty (I was certain he was the one).  And finally there was my now Ex.  Now I know that there is no perfect formula or equation for finding love.  I know this.  But I felt it 3 times with 3 different men over the course of 5 years (and then yes, it extended with my then husband...taking us to present day which you all know about).  3 different guys in 5 years.  That's not bad.  If I'm doing the simple math here, then I'd like to think I am getting close to meeting someone new right about now because it had been over a year since I had felt anything for anyone.  I know it's a stretch, but it makes me feel good to look at it this way.  It's entirely possible.  Yup, that's how I'm going to leave this one for now.