289 : I'm Trapped by the Panic in my Head

Last week, my son came home from pre school with a registration folder for the following year.  Now, I'm a planner, don't get me wrong.  But it was February.  I was still very uncertain of what I would be doing next year.  I knew that I wanted to stay in Chicago.  I had hoped to find an affordable house in the suburbs.  At first I was thinking I would rent, but as I researched I learned that rent prices were through the roof and sale prices were slightly more within reach. Okay, so now buying a house was on the table.  My lease went until August, but truthfully I would have to figure something out long before then because I wanted my kids to be settled in time for school in the fall.  Normally, when I began to feel the panic of what was next, I simply took a deep breath and reminded myself I had time.  This time, however, seemed different.  Perhaps because I knew that change was inevitable here and I was very unsure of what that change looked like.  There were a lot of things going through my head at rapid speed- what was best for me personally, what was best for me professionally and what was best for my kids immediately.  I sat down at my computer and jokingly typed into google, "where are i supposed to be"?  Much to my surprise, a web site popped up as the top item of my search results that I immediately had to check out.  The site was positivelypositive.com and the title of this particular post was You Are Exactly Where You’re Supposed To Be by Bethany Butzer, PH.D.  The article talked about how the author brought herself out of this future focused perspective by remembering 2 things:
1.  How far she had come
2.  The perfection of her current circumstances (even when the present moment felt difficult)

1.  Okay, I could do this.  Let's pause for a moment to reflect on how far I had come in the past year.  My goodness, I had emotionally survived a divorce and was still getting out of bed each and every day.  I was more than just surviving these days, I was thriving in my new life. I had proven to myself that time truly did heal all wounds and life would go on.  

And 2.  My current circumstances...well, I hadn't made any big moves (besides the divorce itself) in the past year, and now I was ready for a change.  I was choosing this change versus being forced into it and I was fortunate that was the case.  And I had time.  I was nervous because I couldn't visualize what was next, but I was conscious of that and looking into things earlier than I needed to so that I could get prepared.  Bottom line, though, I had time.  Okay...it worked.  I was able to dial back the panic and refocus on where I was at that moment.  I would have to remember this exercise moving forward as I was sure this wouldn't be the last time it happened.