294 : Why Me?

I had a lot of conversations with myself these days.  I mean, I interacted with others all day at work and I talked to my mom almost daily, but the person I talked with most these days...was myself.  I hated to admit it, but I still found myself saying at times, Why Me?  The question didn't come from an emotional place, but was just a legitimate question.  Why in the world did this happen to me?  It rose to the surface when I was attempting to get out the door and both of my boys were fighting over me to zip their jackets.  Or when I was trying to get dinner ready, while also tackling a chore that needed to get done simultaneously.  And I won't even go into dealing with a sick child, but the question came then as well.  Oh how different my life would have been were I to have a partner along for the ride.  I wasn't not talking about my Ex either, I was just talking about a partner in general.  Why Me?  As much as I had accepted what had happened, and was doing my best to move forward, the question still lingered from time to time.  And I tried not to sit with it for too long or else I would start to go to that emotional, feeling sorry for myself place that I visited on occasion.  The only thing that comforted me when that question came up was the belief that the "reason" was still out there and it would make itself known eventually.  I couldn't say when.  I couldn't say how. But I did believe that someday I would look back and say That's Why.  I had never been a very patient person.  I wanted to know how it all would work out.  There was no way of knowing, though, so I just had to sit back, relax and trust that it would indeed work out just as it should.