280 : Talk in Circles

Every morning, I wake up and read my blog first thing.  I know, I'm the author.  But there is something different about proofing your work the night before and then reading the final product.  I like to make sure that the feeling I was trying to capture is indeed felt in the post.  Sometimes I high five myself (metaphorically) because I feel like I nailed it.  And sometimes I overanalyze it.  At times I even go back and tweak.  I'm providing this context now, because when I read my post yesterday morning (see post #279) I started to see things in a slightly different light.  The whole point of my blog from the start was to help me feel like myself again.  The old me, but the new me.  So bare with me for a minute, while I allow myself to talk in circles.  I am proud of myself in that I've grown comfortable being by myself again.  It's a process for anyone to adjust to after being in a relationship.  I'm lucky because I have two boys in my life who immediately filled the void that my Ex left in my heart.  They made (and make!) me feel complete.  This is a good thing.  However, I don't want this to be the only thing I am.  I am self aware enough to know that I don't want to put that pressure on my kids- I don't want them to be my only source of happiness because long term that is not healthy for any of us. And I know that I want to meet someone else.  I'm ready, too.  I'm not hung up on what happened to me, I don't miss my Ex and I'm ready to move on with my life.  The problem is, though, that I don't feel anything for anyone I meet.  I mean, I literally don't feel anything.  It's not like I've been around that many guys, but every man I've had the opportunity to hang out with- however formal or casual- I feel nothing for.  Oh what I would give to just feel excited about someone.  Is it just that I haven't met 'the right' person yet because I don't want to be content being alone forever.  That would be bad.  But then again, I guess it's good that while I am alone I'm content.  So, somehow I need to keep that balance.  Does this make any sense?