225 : Take in Nature's Beauty

Okay, I realize the title here may make some of your think I've gone off the deep end.  And perhaps I have, but I'd like to think I still know what I'm talking about.  The title is in reference to the first snow fall that occurred last night.  We'd had a couple flurries and dustings prior to this but last night was the first legitimate snowfall.  It snowed for hours and even made Western Avenue look beautiful.  The first snowfall always reminded me a being a child and my dad noting this every year.  It was the kind of thing my dad always did- called out the simple beauty of the first snow fall.  We had driven back from Michigan earlier in the day when the flakes began.  Both of my boys were sound asleep in the back seat so I alone took in the site.  Fortunately the roads were still clear and safe for the duration of our drive. As we pulled into the garage, my boys began to stir.  There was definitely a couple of inches on the ground and it didn't appear to be stopping.  We gathered ourselves and headed inside to continue watching from the windows of the apartment.  I immediately plugged in the Christmas tree, the lights on the mantel, got a fire going and turned on the Charlie Brown Christmas Album.  We all huddled together, just looking out the window at the snow just pouring down on the street below.  It was really quite beautiful.  And while I took it all in, I had to admit, I absolutely felt the absence of a partner at that moment.  My children watched attentively and were excited about the snow, but it wasn't quite the same.  I did not miss my Ex - he had disappointed me so greatly there was zero desire to have him around.  I did, however, just feel an absence.  That's not to say it was a lonely moment, but I just craved having a partner around to share it with.  I wanted so genuinely to have our family unit complete with a person that actually wanted to be with us.  With all of us.  It had been a year, and I had made significant progress.  But I was still alone.  Very, very alone.  I had wonderful friends and family around as support but it wasn't the same.  People were continuing forward with their own lives because they could- they were settled.  I was very much unsettled and I needed to figure out what that meant for me.  Or for us, I should say.  I knew it wouldn't be like this forever.  I knew that if I was able to have grown this much in just 1 year than there was no limitation to what I could do.  Or where I would even be another 6 months from now.  I knew that I could count on time to continue to heal my heart, just as I could count on the first snow fall to feel beautiful and amazing every year.  Even after I got my kids in bed, I continued to glance out the window- this time with a glass of wine.  It was so beautiful, I couldn't stop starring.  Another holiday season was upon us.  I had no idea what this year would bring, but I knew that it would most certainly be better than last year.