29 : Take a Vacation

A few months after my marriage began to unravel, I took a vacation.  I was already taking a break from work (see post #6) but being at home in my (our) apartment was still tough.  Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of him and our life together.  I needed a break.  I needed a change of scenery.  I needed to get the hell out of there.  Fortunately, I already had a vacation with my family on the books.  My parents were kind enough to adjust their plans to travel with my boys and I.  (How does a single mom fly with a 2 year old and a 9 month old by herself?!?)  While I was anxious to get out of town, there was a part of me that was a little nervous about the trip.  This would be the first family gathering that would just be me.  Alone. I knew I shouldn't care about that at this time, but I must admit, I did.  My sister and her husband would be there with their kids.  My brother and his wife would be there.  My mom and dad.  And then just me and my boys...no husband.  I'm not suggesting that my family would make me feel uncomfortable in any way, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it at all.  I feared that spending the week with everyone else and their perfect relationships would make me feel worse about my own life and what was happening.  I could not have been more wrong.  The trip was great.  Wonderful, in fact.  It was almost amazing what the change of environment did for me mentally.  I think I grew a little stronger every day I was there.  I had fun with my family.  I enjoyed the time with my kids.  I began to feel sorry for my husband that he was no longer going to be a part of this incredible family and how sad for him that he would miss out on us.  The time away helped me to view the situation with some clarity.  I was going to be fine.  It might take some time, but I was going to be fine.