94 : Get Your House in Order

So often, the word divorce was associated with an ending.  I mean, I know that's what is was-the end of a marriage.  But over the past couple months, I began to think of it as the beginning.  The beginning of a new life.  The opportunity to start over fresh.  It was reassuring to me, when I framed it up that way.  Part of the starting over for me, was to get my house in order.  And by house, I mean the business, the papers, the bills, the finances, the bottom line.  Truthfully, I had always been the one to head up this part, but I had a partner in the past to make decisions with me, to get a gut check from and to help guide me.  Although I capable of taking care of this, I felt more comfortable knowing the responsibility wasn't mine alone.  And then my husband left me.  And I suddenly had some extreme changes coming my way (some incoming, some outgoing) and I needed advice on how to best move forward.  I wanted to believe that my husband (soon to be ex) would make good on all the promises he was legally making to me.  But I also wanted to be prepared should something fall through, so I didn't find myself in a bind.  I reached out to a financial advisor to look at everything.  For a fee, she would prepare plans for me regarding my daily cash flow, my retirement and my education savings.  It may not have been what I needed at that exact moment (another fee) but it felt good to get it all in order.  I was starting fresh.  I was planning for the future.  My future.  And it felt good.

93 : Be Inspired by Others

I was watching the CBS Sunday morning show the other day, and saw a segment that really struck a cord with me.  It was the story of photographer, Mark Hirsch.  He spoke about the challenges life had thrown him, and how he became lost.  While his situation was not at all related to mine, I was inspired at his ability to heal himself.  He randomly took a photo of a tree near his home, and turned it into a year long photography project called, "That Tree".  The photos themselves were beautiful, but for me it was the story of healing and renewal that was the most powerful.  It was so simple.  It was just a picture of a tree.  But through creativity and persistence, he was able to turn it into something magical.  I was encouraged in watching this to know that it was possible.  I was trying to get there myself, and while I hadn't yet arrived, this was just the motivation I needed to keep going.

92 : Get a Mani/Pedi

So what woman didn't enjoy going for a manicure/pedicure?  Not many.  I will say though, that since I had kids, this was not quite the same.  I always felt like there was never enough time.  So much so, that if I actually had time or made time to go get my nails done, I often felt stressed that I needed to quickly finish to get back to the kids (or to work:).  The stress always seemed to outweigh the pleasure in going.  And then my husband left me.  And suddenly I found myself alone every other weekend, with all the time in the world.  I did my best to learn how to enjoy time to myself (see post #58 & #90).  One of those ways, was to treat myself to a mani/pedi.  There was nothing to rush home for, so I could bring my US Weekly and literally zone out.  I found the zoning to be almost more of a treat than the mani/pedi itself.  Getting my nails done wasn't going to heal my heart necessarily, but doing something for myself was a step in the right direction.

91 : Write a Letter to Your Child

I decided a few weeks back to start a new tradition for my kids (see post #79).  I would write them a letter every year on their birthday.  I went to Target and found the perfect leather journals for each of them - blue for Jack, green for Rory.  Now I just needed to sit down and write.


Dear Rory,

Happy Birthday!  You are 1!!! It still blows my mind that you are already 1- the time has flown by.  This year has been a very different year for me.  As you will learn one day, your father and I ended our marriage when you were only 6 months old.  I won't go into specifics about that- but I want you to know it had nothing to do with you or Jack.  I was very sad that things happened this way- and if it wasn't for you and your brother, I don't know how I would've gotten through this.  You gave me strength.  You showered me with love.  You warmed my heart.  I love you so very much and I am so thankful I have you.  You are a very VERY easy baby.  You are extremely chill and you are always happy.  If you ever do cry, I know something is wrong because you are always so easy going.  You have a great appetite.  I worry I won't be able to keep up with it as you get older:) You love all food- veggies, fruit, you name it.  Oh- you don't like cottage cheese though:)  Sometimes I tease Jack that you will be bigger than him one day because he will only eat 2 bites then run off to play and you will sit for 30 minutes eating.  You and Jack are already good buddies.  You laugh at him all the time.  He tries to wrestle with you at times and it makes me very nervous (you are a baby!) but you just laugh the whole time.  You guys share a room right now and you are by far the better sleeper.  Please don't change!  I put you to bed between 6:30-7 and you sleep until 7:30 in the morning.  You are not walking yet but are very close.  You will pull yourself up and take a few steps by holding onto something.  I don't know how I will keep up with you both once you are officially mobile!  When I was pregnant with you, I wondered what it would be like to have 2 kids.  I didn't understand how I could love anything else the way I loved Jack.  And then you arrived.  And I just felt it immediately.  I think I grow more in love with you every single day.  When I walk into your room in the morning and you are sitting in your crib- you get a big smile on your face as you see me.  I look forward to that every day.  And then at night, when I come home from work, you see me, cruise across the room and climb on me.  It's the best part of my day.  We are a team - you, Jack and I.  And there is no other place in the world I would rather be.  

Thank you for all the happiness you've brought into my life.

I love you.

Love,
Mom

90 : Enjoy Time to Yourself (Part 2)

Well, I must have been making some progress because as the weekend approached, I began to feel excited at the thought of having time to myself.  Yes, I had a never ending to do list.  Yes, I had wonderful friends that wanted to hang with me.  Yes, I have a healthy group of colleagues that would've been happy to grab drinks that Friday after work. But it was just nice to know that I had that weekend to myself and I didn't have to plan a damn thing.  I could decide at the last second.  I spent every day planning everything down to a T with my kiddos- I loved the thought of just seeing what I felt like doing and doing it in that moment.  This was so strange for me.  But as a result of all of this, I was changing in certain ways and this was one.  I liked having time to myself.  I looked forward to it.  I needed it.  And having that time made me all the better when my kids returned.

89 : Get Your Flirt On

People always said, YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO MEET YOUR HUSBAND IN A BAR.  Well that was just ridiculous.  I had several friends who proved that wrong.  I met my husband in a strip joint for crying out loud (not that I was by any means an example to follow).  Let's be honest though, things had changed a bit since I was last in the dating scene.  Meeting someone in a bar at 37 (as a single mom with 2 little kids) was not the same as meeting someone in your 20's.  In truth, I hadn't thought all that much about dating.  I mean, I thought about it in that I wanted to meet someone else and I hoped that through friends I would be eventually be introduced to a good guy.  But the whole process of trying to meet guys, going out on dates, the not knowing, the games.  Oh god, I hated the thought of having to go through all of that again.  There was online dating.  And yes, I needed to be open minded but for some reason, I wasn't quite ready to go there yet.  (Technically, I was still married, so try explaining that one on eHarmony).  A friend at work told me about Tinder- the dating app that used your phone's GPS to match you with people in your area.  By simply viewing a couple pictures you could decide whether or not you "liked" someone.  If you both "liked" each other, then you were a match.  And if you were a match, then you could text back and forth within the app.  Yes, this was the new world of  "dating".  Texting back and forth with a perfect stranger that you may have thought was cute based on a picture.  (And hopefully it was really them and not some freak pulling a manta te'o!)  At first I thought- this is just what the world needs.  Even less personal communication!  But then I realized, this WAS just what I needed.  No commitment.  No rush.  I could respond if/when I wanted to and ignore or block if need be.  All they saw was my name, age and a couple pictures.  Single moms everywhere- this was it!  You could be sitting at home on your couch with a glass of wine, having a little fun flirting and getting some attention at the same time.  Why hadn't I thought of this?

88 : Cook Some Shrimp

365 ways to get back to you?  Well for me, eating shrimp was definitely one of them.  My husband (soon to be ex) was extremely allergic to shrimp.  Extremely Allergic.  This was unfortunate for me because I loved seafood.  I know, I know.  When you're happy and in love you are more than willing to make sacrifices for that person.  It's not like I couldn't ever eat shrimp (or scallops, clams, crab or mussels)  but I certainly couldn't cook them at home.  And even when I did eat them if we were out, there was always a conscious effort to make sure nothing came even close to him, so it's not like it was all that enjoyable.  And then my husband left me.  And suddenly I had the freedom to cook shrimp at home again.  Now mind you, this was not the first thing that crossed my mind. But I did think of it one day and from there on out, I made an effort to make a shrimp dish almost every week.  It wasn't out of anger. It wasn't out of spite.  It was just another step in reclaiming my life.  So I worked shrimp back onto the regular menu and I've got to say, it never tasted so good!