359 : Acknowledge Your Part

Up until now,  I don't think I've really acknowledged my role in our divorce.  I feel strongly that it wasn't my fault (and as I say that I'm picturing Robin Williams repeatedly telling Matt Damen It's Not Your Fault in Good Will Hunting.)  The difference is that I don't need to be reminded of this, I know it wasn't my fault.  This doesn't mean, though, that I didn't play a role our divorce.  I mean, I was in the relationship, so clearly I must have played some role it in.  Could I have tried harder?  Could I have compromised more?  Could I have listened better?  Could I have loved more deeply?  I have accepted the fact that I will never know the answers to these questions.  And I am no longer asking them from a place of self doubt.  I am acknowledging that marriage is a lot of work.  I'm admitting I am not perfect.  I am suggesting that even if I was perfect in my first marriage, I will try even harder next time if the chance presents itself.  I stopped trying to understand many months ago (see post #36) but I would continue trying to learn, grow and be an even better version of my best self moving forward.