Per the terms of our divorce agreement, my Ex is supposed to
pay me (and the boys) a certain amount each week. I’ve
set this up for both of us to track in a shared calendar (see post #262). Out of every paycheck, I get child
support. This is a standardized
percentage that is automatically withdrawn from his check every pay period,
routed through the state and then directly deposited into my account. It typically takes 1 week to arrive in my
account. At first I found this to be
inconvenient, but now that I am aware of the timing, it’s fine. The weeks I am not receiving child support,
my Ex gives me money for our nanny and for my oldest son’s school. (the school payment is only once a month, but
the nanny payment is twice a month). So
pretty much every single week I (we) receive something from him. Or at least I (we) am (are) supposed to. This past week, however, there was a little
mishap. On Friday, I waited to receive
the money he was supposed to send as per usual.
By 5pm, I had still not heard from him, or received the money but I
consciously chose to wait it out. Money
was a point of contention for both of us.
It caused me great stress and anxiety to have to initiate any
conversations with my Ex about money.
This was stressful even during the time we were married, and it had only
become more contentious since our divorce. He
approached every money conversation on the defense and he was typically angry
about them. I wanted nothing more than
to NOT have to ask. The terms had been
set. I just wanted him to pay the money
and have us never discuss another dollar again.
But of course, that was not how it worked. So back to last Friday. The money was never sent. I woke up Saturday morning bothered by this
as I had already fronted the money for both our nanny and for school the day
before. Once again, he had put me in a
position where he wasn’t following through and was not communicating with me
about it in any way. I sent him a money
request through Chase and hoped that would be the end of it. I went on with my day and by late afternoon,
I noticed that there had still been no response to my request. Okay, now I was getting pissed- I had
properly planned my finances but because of him, I was going to be overdrawn in
my account. I texted him directly and asked him to please
send me the money. He responded telling
me there had been a ‘glitch’ at the bank and his check was not deposited
as it was supposed to. Now to be clear,
I am not suggesting he was lying here- you can all draw your own conclusions on
that one. What bothered me though, was that he had not reached out to tell me this. If it was a problem with the bank- just send
me a text and let me know so I can plan accordingly!!!! This wasn’t the first time we had discussed
this and it infuriated me his lack of communication. (side note: situations like this reminded me how thankful I was we were no longer together).
We exchanged a few texts after that, none of which were productive. The money was not there and it
would not be there for a couple days.
Unfortunately for me, I was charged by my bank twice in a matter of 4
days for having insufficient funds.
Finally, on Wednesday the following week, my Ex received his check and
sent the money as he was supposed to.
And now here comes my victory. He
asked me if I had been charged by my bank for having insufficient funds and I
told him yes. Twice. He then sent the money to cover those
charges. VICTORY! Was it a given that he should do this? Yes.
But our conversations were already tense enough, I don’t think I ever would have asked him for it. It was not worth
the response. So for once, he actually
thought of it on his own and offered. I
knew it was a teeny tiny victory- and what would be better than getting the
charges covered would be just to have him pay me in a timely manner. But for now, I would acknowledge this as a
victory just the same and I’d take it.
Until next time…
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