249 : Take a Chance

So I had been asked out recently (see post #229) and agreed to go out on a date.  The guy was a good guy.  A nice, genuine, all around good guy.  He was easy to talk to and I felt comfortable around him.  But something just wasn't there for me.  I can't explain it any other way.  I just didn't have those feelings.  I know, I know - sometimes it took a couple dates to get those feelings.  This was not that case here though.  I just knew.  I had a good time with him on the date, but I knew with certainty it would never develop into anything beyond a friendship.  I felt disappointed that night.  Not so much that it hadn't been a nice evening (it had!) more just disappointed with myself.  I wanted to like him.  I wanted to be excited about going out with him.  A friend had even asked me that day prior to our date (Was I excited?)  and I had to answer honestly.  No.  To be fair, I was in no way dreading it either- I just didn't know what I was feeling towards him yet so I wasn't exactly excited.  And then when my instinct was confirmed that I didn't really feel that way about him, I just felt disappointed with myself.  Would I ever get to a point that I actually felt excited about a guy again?  I'm not talking about a serious relationship, I'm just talking feeling excited about someone.  My god, I certainly hoped so!  I started to dissect the situation far more than I needed to and then something occurred to me.  In my younger days, I would not have even gone out with this guy.  I wouldn't have ever considered it could turn into something if my gut said otherwise.  And so maybe I was right this time, but I still tried.  I still said yes, and put myself out there and took a chance that it could be something.  I hadn't lost anything in my efforts.  In fact, I may have even grown closer with someone who would stay a friend in the future.  I didn't know if I would ever feel butterflies in my stomach again or fall hard for someone else.  But I knew that by putting myself out there, there was a chance that I would.  It was okay that I didn't feel it this time.  It was worth the possibility.