214 : Happy Thanksgiving

I woke up yesterday morning feeling good and ready to make my Thanksgiving pumpkin pie. I had expected to feel emotional.  I would be leaving my boys that afternoon and this would be the longest we’d be away from each other since the divorce (and probably ever.)  But for some reason, I felt just fine.  My mom had even asked me how the boys were doing knowing I’d be apart from them for Thanksgiving?  Well, the truth was, even at their young age they had gotten somewhat accustomed to the trade off my Ex and I now had to abide by.  I’m not even sure that they knew it was Thanksgiving?  But I did.  It was just a few hours later that we said our goodbyes, exchanged kisses and then off I went, with my pie, to the airport.  Again, no tears.  No feelings of sadness.  What was wrong with me?  At the airport, I watched a young family make their way through security and smiled to myself that had been me (us) many times before.  Yet, I didn’t feel emotional in witnessing it. I made my way to the gate and eventually boarded.  Just me and my pie.  I missed my children, of course, but I felt okay…almost content.  I knew that the worst of it was behind me.  What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?  Well amen to that sister! I had proven that time and time again in the past year.  I was certainly stronger.  I had been betrayed and hurt beyond words and put myself back together as a stronger, more solid package.  So on this Thanksgiving day, what was I the most thankful for?   More than I could even express.  My Children.  My Parents.  My Family.  My Friends.  My Nanny.  I was thankful to my brother and his family for taking me into their home on this lovely holiday.  I was thankful my health allowed me to complete the Run for the Hungry 10K that morning.  I was thankful my head and my heart were not only healing, but they were sound.  I was thankful I had spoken my truth (see post #207) and I could look myself in the mirror with no shame or regret.  I was thankful that my beautiful pumpkin pie had traveled safely from Chicago to San Diego without flaw.  I was thankful I still had the ability to believe in love and the confidence that my future was bright.  Uncertain, maybe but bright just the same.  It may have sounded a little ‘academy awards’-esque but it was all true.  I had quite a bit to be thankful for on this day.  Okay, now it was time for that pie.