327 : No Pressure

I woke up the other night in a panic.  I felt like I had forgotten to do something really important.  Yet as I felt the stress in my somewhat sleepy state, I could not identify what it was that I had forgotten.  And then I realized, it was just the pressure of being a parent.  The constant pressure.  I was primarily responsible for my kids.  I mean my Ex was in their lives, but it was me that was making decisions daily, responding to their questions and ultimately shaping the people they were becoming.  I selected their clothes.  I chose their meals.  I created their home.  Yes, no pressure at all there.  I was regularly making decisions on the fly- some decisions carrying more weight than others, but still they were decisions none the less.  I consulted with friends and other parents around the office for advice, but to be honest, many of my choices were based on personal experience and my own instinct.  Should I be reading more parenting books? Should I be reading to them more?  Should I be doing anything else that I was currently not doing?  Was there a different way that other parents did this?  I could admit that potentially all parents felt this pressure, but it seemed as though it might be less stressful for couples than for a single.  And as I was having this moment of panic, it just so happened that a little person was laying in my bed next to me.  He looked so sweet at that moment, but the thing that struck me the most was that he was safe.  I was somehow successfully raising my kids.  I would never stop worrying about it all, but I was still doing it.  I took a deep breath, shut my eyes and floated back to sleep.