110 : Get Some Perspective

2013 had proved to be a challenging year so far.  My husband had told me he was unhappy. And then he moved out, when my kids were only 6 months and 2 years old.  He filed for divorce.  And then for a variety of reasons, we spent months dragging this divorce process out through our attorneys.  Challenging year indeed!  I was still here though.  I continued to wake up every day- be there for my kids- go to work- and come home every night.  So, somehow I was getting through.  And then the other week, I went in for a mammogram.  I'm probably a little young still to start having these, but since cancer does run in my family, my doctor suggested I start.  I had no fear walking into the appointment.  After what I've been through this year- nothing could touch me, right?  The radiologist warned me that since this was my first mammogram, I may be called back in for a second one so they had something to compare it to.  This was very common.  I will say that again.  This was very common.  So, why I felt sick to my stomach when I received the call they wanted to me come back in?  I'm not sure.  I reminded myself that this was very common, just as the radiologist had told me.  It still made me feel sick though.  Here I had spent the past 8 months reclaiming my life, getting back on my feet and focusing myself towards the future, only to learn I have cancer?  (okay- I admit, I'm jumping ahead here- that had in NO way been determined yet).  I would go back in 2 weeks to have a follow up mammogram.  In the meantime, I would remember how all my emotions as they related to my divorce in particular- anger, sadness, fear, you name it- how they were just simply not worth it.  The marriage was done and to be honest, I think I had reached a point where I was okay with that.  Life was moving on, and I would take on whatever came my way.  Cancer- you want to Fuck with me?  I dare you!  After what I had been through this past year, there was nothing NOTHING that was going to slow me down.